Separating Yourself in a Selfish Society

One thing that I think bothers me more than anything else in the world is the fact that so much of the population is very self-centered. We live in a very selfish society. I personally believe this is in part due to our desire to do more, get ahead and be better in life. This ambition is a good thing; it is what drives many to success. However, it is also the makings for a somewhat selfish society. We’re always looking out for Number One, as the saying goes.

This is not a personal rant or a game of “I’m holier than thou” but instead a realistic observation of a fact of life today. This is not to point fingers or call names and say that everyone is like this or that those that are, behave this way 100% of the time. Instead, I wanted to take these observations and point them out along with some tips for how you can avoid the stress and pain that this selfish behavior often causes in life.

I even see the same things when I look at myself from time to time. Often when I get upset with someone it is because of something they have done to me. I don’t typically stop to think about why they did it or what might be happening in their lives. Instead, I focus solely on the fact that they have hurt me or wronged me in some way and I retaliate in anger, sadness or frustration.

Look back at some of the times in your life that you have been angry or upset. Think also on the times when you have been rude, mean or uncaring to someone else. How many of these situations can you relate to selfish thinking and behaviors? Have you ever disappointed your children because there was something else that you wanted to do instead? Have you ever lied to your spouse because you were afraid they would be angry at you and it only made it worse when they lie was uncovered?

What about when you are cut off in traffic by the guy in the BMW on his cell phone who’s late for an important meeting? Or when someone races to get in line ahead of you at the grocery store with their cartload of items when you have only a small basket? All around us, people make decisions that are inconsiderate to others, usually because they are thinking only of themselves.

Think about two siblings growing up together. It’s a fact that all siblings fight at some point and some fight quite often. Now look at some of the situations under which children fight.

Not sharing toys

Jealousy

For parent’s attention

Because someone feels “slighted” Most of the reasons that siblings become angry and upset with one another boil down to selfish reasons. Someone thinks mom loves the other one better, someone doesn’t want to share his new toy, someone thinks the other gets more, etc. Many of us never outgrow this behavior and we see it in adults every day.

I can go on giving examples all day but I think you get the idea. The point is how can you separate yourself from this? We simply can’t go around trying to make people the way that we want them to be and if we try, we only cause ourselves more stress and heartache (and you might just lose some friends along the way.)

So what can you do? First, you need to recognize that the single, one and only person in the entire world that you have control over is yourself. Look at your own life and ways that you can change and be a better example in your world and your daily life.

Next, if you are a parent, you need to recognize that your children will mimic your behaviors. Teach them the right ways by showing and when you make mistakes, talk with them about it. Explain to them that no one is perfect and that they will have to be accepting and understanding when people sometimes let them down- even their parents.

Third, it is important to learn how to respond to people that you encounter who treat you unfairly, rudely or even those that physically or emotionally harm you. You can’t control what people do to you but you can control how you respond to it. You should never have to take abuse of any sort but there are some things we can take in stride, such as the stranger in the market or the minivan on your bumper in evening traffic giving you a serious case of road rage.

You can CHOOSE not to respond back in the same way that selfish people treat you. You can choose to ignore it, or to respond in kindness or in some cases, you can even learn from it. We also need to learn to be a bit more compassionate toward others, even those that we don’t know. If someone gives you attitude for no apparent reason, sure it might make you mad or even hurt your feelings. You may feel the urge to retaliate but instead you can choose to take a different approach.

You can choose to break the cycle and separate yourself from this type of poor attitude and behavior. Maybe that person is having a bad day, maybe they have an anger problem or maybe they are just a hateful person, but you don’t have to let their poor attitude rub off on you. Take it in stride, laugh it off, ignore it or even say a prayer for them if you are a religious person and then go on with your life without letting one person ruin your day!

By: Lisa A Mason

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